This episode is a reflection on grief during the holidays. Sometimes these reflections on life that I share aren’t really about the rare disease experience. They’re just about life. So, whether you’ve experienced grief in the past or you’re grieving now, this episode is for you.
People are Priceless – A Reflection on Grief During the Holidays
Hope is cheap if you’ve never lost it. But when you’re fighting for it with everything you have, it’s the most priceless thing in the world.
In my youth, I said I believed in hope. I thought I did. But I didn’t really know what that meant.
I’ve shared a lot of my life experiences with you (If you’re new to my podcast and this blog, I recommend you listen to this episode where I share my mental health story). But there are two events that, looking back, shook me to my core. The first was losing my step-sister. The second was losing my grandmother. They died on the same day, 11 years apart. Right before the holidays.
And so, this time of year while most people are in a celebratory mood… I get rather melancholy. Beginning around Thanksgiving and all the way through Christmas I am more reflective than usual.
Because when you love someone and then you lose them… the grief you feel is equal to the love you felt.
I was looking forward to having a step-sister. But, before our parents were married she was taken from us… murdered when we were 18. I’ve carried that grief for 25 years. Buried, way down. Until the last year. Now… she is always on my mind. Always. And she will always be my sister.
And my grandmother… I have no words for the love that radiated from her. She passed in 2009, and while sometimes I think I’ve overcome that grief, it’s always hard around the holidays.
To lose both my stepsister and grandmother—on the same day of the month—that kind of grief is so profound.
Grief like this… it’s beyond words. You feel it in your chest. You go through your day and try to pretend that everything is ok. You convince yourself that it’s not affecting how you process everything else that’s going on in your life.
And when you meet resistance, it seems invincible.
Because the grief has shaken you to your core.
And so, you pull away. You bury the grief. You try to move on. But you can’t.
Until you wake up one day, and barely recognize who you are.
You’re so wrapped up in the past that you can’t see that time is slipping away. You’re so focused on what you’ve lost that you can’t appreciate what you have. Trust me that there’s a reason I say people are the most priceless thing in the world. I know they are irreplaceable.
This time of year, I miss my grandmother. She died before my life changed with advocacy, and she would have loved to hear my stories about meeting all of you.
And my step-sister… I think of the short time we had together, but also the time that was taken from us. I think about what could have been, her meeting my wife, being close our entire lives. Again… I wanted… a sister.
My grandmother and stepsister… they share something in common. They were both strong, independent women who loved life. They wouldn’t want me so focused on the loss, but instead on the love, and to live my life.
These days, I’m doing that by finding people who are kindred spirits. People who share similar core values… a common purpose… a shared vision of what’s important in life.
People to care about, and who care about me.
People who love life, and want to experience it together.
That’s what it means to build a community.
To be there for each other, and support each other however we can. There is nothing I wouldn’t do for my friends (There’s a whole episode from Season 1 dedicated to The Healing Power of Friendship).
For many, the holidays are a time of profound joy. For others, it’s a time of grief and sadness.
But the power of community is that we are there for each other. When we’re hurting, we pick each other up.
We love each other.
And whether we’re in the midst of celebration or sorrow… there is hope.
Because we are not alone.
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